September 2024 Eternal Companion
My parents visited Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba in 1969, six years before I was born. They brought back many pictures of Swami to our home in Colombo, Sri Lanka, and one of them was placed in our shrine room, as well. We were an orthodox, traditional religious Hindu family that worshiped all deities and paid respects to all spiritual personages. My father was an industrialist who operated companies in Sri Lanka. Though my parents never visited Swami regularly, my uncle and aunt, who resided in Australia, used to visit Swami regularly and bring back the precious Vibhuti Prasad for us whenever they visited Prasanthi Nilayam. More importantly, my uncle brought home many stories of Swami’s amazing miracles and His blessed teachings. From 1981-82, I remember being impressed and inspired by these narrations even as a six to seven-year-old child. I felt very much drawn to Swami and felt that I, too, must see Him someday.
The July That Destroyed My Faith
In July 1983, a drastic and terrible sequence of events unfolded, which left a very dark stain on the glorious history of Sri Lanka. Mob violence engulfed the city for almost two weeks.
Fortunately, at that time, my parents were in the United Kingdom (UK) for medical treatment for my mother and two-year-old sister. My brother and I were left behind in the care of our grandmother, who moved into our home from her daughter’s. Thanks to my father’s valuable contacts and influence, there were members of the majority community who ‘protected’ our home by staying with us and claiming that it was their residence. Thus, our ‘safe’ house became a refugee camp of sorts, housing more than 45 people who had been evicted from their homes due to the pogrom. Even then, I remember climbing over the backyard wall to sleep at night in a neighbor’s home for safety. I often saw my grandmother crying because her elder daughter had gone missing after their home had been looted and destroyed. Eventually, we managed to locate the children at a refugee camp and brought them back to our home.
Though I was very young, these incidents made me question the very existence of God. How could there be a ‘loving’ and ‘all-powerful’ being for such things to happen under His/Her watch? Also, between 1983 and 1985, there was a great famine in Ethiopia, where millions of people died. That further fueled my atheistic stance in my early teens.
Soon, we were also brought to the UK for our safety and returned home after six months when it was considered safe.
The Atheist Reaches Puttaparthi
My parents’ faith had not been affected, and they continued to visit temples religiously. I would go to the temple only to challenge the ‘Gods.’ Without knowing who I was talking to, I would speak silently to the idols. “You obviously don’t exist because terrible things are happening to so many people, and you are doing nothing about it. You can’t do anything about it because you don’t exist.”
In 1989, a different kind of crisis gripped the country, affecting the southern part. This time, it was an armed revolt led by a communist group against the government. So, our father packed us off to India for a few weeks and later to Australia until things settled in Sri Lanka. My mom decided to travel to Puttaparthi, and we arrived late at night in Prasanthi Nilayam in December 1989.
Finding ‘Prasanthi’ Through Love And Service
We were assigned a shed to stay in, and we hadn’t come prepared. We had no mattress to sleep on, and the lights were turned off at 9:00 PM, as per the ashram rules. A kind lady offered us some Christmas cake, which was our dinner, and we slept, covering ourselves with my mother’s sarees.
The next morning, we got ready and went for darshan. And then everything changed!
There is no particular incident I recall but even now, I can feel the surging happiness I felt in just seeing Swami and being in His presence. We would sit on the sands in an unbelievably peaceful atmosphere and enjoy hours of bliss seeing Swami and participating in bhajans. I never felt such joy and peace in my life before – and all of this was despite our spartan accommodation and living conditions. Within a week, our material comforts also improved as we moved from the shed to a comfortable room in the ‘Round Building.’
One day, I met an elderly blind person who asked me the route to go back to his shed. I helped him all the way to his accommodation. I felt light, happy, and peaceful doing that. My cousin, who had come to Puttaparthi from Australia at that time, noticed me doing this and said, “You did good seva (service).” That was the first time I heard the word ‘seva.’ The feeling that arose in me was so wonderful that I decided to indulge in it more and more. My brother would go off to the Hill View stadium to volunteer, where the grounds were being cleared, leveled, and greened. I, too, began to look out for opportunities to do seva. As a spontaneous outpouring of the peace and joy I was feeling within, I took a vow to never touch non-vegetarian food again in my life! I did not tell my parents, but they noticed it and even mentioned in their conversations: “He visited India to see Swami, and after that, he seems to have lost taste for non-vegetarian food completely.”
I also began to always carry a photograph of Swami with me, along with two vibhuti packets that my uncle had given me. I don’t know whether I accepted Swami as God, but my heart opened up to the reality that there is something in the universe beyond the mind and there is much more to life than the material world I see.
The Impact of the Company We Keep
I was sent to the UK for my University education. I was all alone there and did fairly well in the first year. In the second year, peer pressure and pleasure-seeking caused me to begin drinking. I irregularly attended classes and missed many assignments. In a couple of subjects, I failed the regular assessments and had to rely on doing well in the examinations to even pass. In short, I went completely astray in my second year.
Two weeks before my scheduled examinations, I developed severe abdominal pain that simply refused to subside. After a couple of days, I met a doctor who admonished me for being careless about my body and prescribed some medicines to be taken twice a day. Unfortunately, I don’t recall what the diagnosis was. What I remember clearly is that the side effect of the medicine was extreme drowsiness that always put me to sleep! That was something I could not afford to do with my examinations staring me in the face. With barely a week left before the exams, I decided to stop taking the medication. Within hours, I was in bed rolling with excruciating pain.
A Desperate Plea and the Immediate Response
The only way I could bear the pain was by eating something milk-based and drinking milk. But the relief would last barely four hours, and the excruciating pain would return. I could not study or sleep, however if I took the medication, I would be drowsy and fall asleep! Stuck between the devil and the deep sea, I was at my wit’s end. That is when my eyes fell on Swami’s picture and the two vibhuti packets. I recalled all the stories I had heard about the power of vibhuti.
With a sincere prayer, I said to Swami, “I have not been the best in behavior. But I need Your help. I vow that I will come visit You if you help me now.” I emptied a packet of vibhuti into a glass of water and drank it. The relief was immediate! I quickly went to bed, hoping to get some sleep before the pain returned in a few hours. When I woke up, it was nearly 7 AM! I touched my stomach gingerly, and there was no pain! I was stunned that I had slept through the night after nearly 10 days.
I went straight to Swami’s picture and said, “Swami, during the coming holidays, I shall surely come and see You. Thank you so much!”
How I Found My God
I completed my examinations and barely passed that year, but that was still a reason to celebrate the ‘victory’ with my friends. After returning to Sri Lanka, as per my promise, I traveled with my mother to Puttaparthi via Chennai to see Swami. I had several darshans in Prasanthi Nilayam, and nothing much happened.
One day, as I sat for darshan, I mentally said, “Swami, I came here seeking You, but You are not even looking at me. I need You to at least look at me.” When Swami came for darshan, I hoped that He would answer my prayer. But I was disappointed again as He simply passed by me.
“SWAMI!”I screamed mentally, “I need You to look at me.” It was as if He heard me because He simply stopped, turned around, and looked me in the eyes!
That was a life-changing look!
What shall I say? I cannot even begin to comprehend or explain all the things that happened within me. There was so much love and divinity pouring out of His eyes and flooding my entire being. Every single part of my body was shivering, and tears began flowing uncontrollably from my eyes. I could not comprehend what was happening but could experience every bit of it. Even now, as I think of that experience, I get ‘goosebumps’, and a warm feeling floods my heart.
I don’t remember anything else about that session that day. I kept reliving that moment over and over again - a hundred times! After that session, I found picture postcards in a shop. I bought a dozen of them and wrote to all my friends telling them that I had found my raison d’etre (reason for existence), that I had found my God!
Swami’s Greatest Miracle is the Transformation of the Heart
The following year, when I returned to the UK, I was completely changed. I gave up all my bad habits and swore never to indulge in wine, non-vegetarian food, and more. My outlook toward life changed dramatically from being extremely negative to highly positive. I also began spending my time reading a lot of literature by Swami and about Swami. I quickly changed my company and dropped all bad habits. Needless to say, my academics improved a lot.
Spiritual practices became (and have remained) an important part of my life. It was my best year in college, and I returned to my motherland, Sri Lanka, in 1997 to serve her. Before embarking on my professional journey, I traveled again to Swami to express my gratitude. Not only did I have the most beautiful darshans during that visit, but I was also blessed with the first-ever padanamaskar (touching Swami’s feet) of my life. I felt so complete!
And even to this day, I feel so blessed and complete!
Mr. Haridarshan Sathiamoorthy
Sri Lanka
Mr. Haridarshan Sathiamoorthy came to Swami at a very early age. He served in various capacities in the Sri Sathya Sai International Organization of Sri Lanka from 2000 at the center, regional, and national levels. He serves as the National Council President of the SSSIO of Sri Lanka. He is a successful Industrialist and also serves on the board of directors of several public and private companies.