I was an atheist. I found it hard to believe in the existence of God after seeing poverty, diseases, and other human suffering. I felt that ‘God’ was created by the human mind to escape responsibilities and avoid rational thought. But, ironically, it was my life’s destiny that I married into a staunch Sai-devotee family!
My father-in-law was very eager for me to accept his God, so he gave me many books on Baba to read. I accepted these books, only to oblige him, and returned them a few days later, totally unread! However, although an atheist, I had a spiritual mindset. I would read the books by Swami Vivekananda and be inspired by his message. I felt Baba’s writings and talks were too simplistic, and therefore He could not be God. Whenever anyone told me that Sai Baba was God incarnate, I silenced them by questioning why He had not cured all the sick in the world, why wars continued to take place, and why qualities like hatred and jealousy thrived.
Real Life in A Drama
In 1993, we moved to Thailand, and my wife, Deepa, connected with the Sathya Sai organization in Bangkok. In a couple of years, my children also joined the SSE (Sai Spiritual Education) classes, which provide a spiritual grounding to the child without proselytizing.
In 1995, Deepa persuaded me to travel with her and our four-year-old son to Puttaparthi. I reluctantly agreed to go for my first visit. Once we were there, I found it very hard sitting for long hours in the scorching heat for Swami’s darshan. I did not want to go for darshan, yet I was expected to go twice daily! On the second day, as I walked past the North Indian canteen in the Ashram with my son, a Malaysian devotee approached me. He asked if my son could participate in a drama that would be staged in five days in front of Swami. Since it involved afternoon practices which would help me avoid darshan, I readily accepted the offer. Thus, my son joined the drama program.
Two days later, seeing me simply sitting during the practice sessions, the drama director asked me if I could play the role of an atheist! For the act, I needed to cover my face with black cloth and use a rope to pull back people from going to worship. I agreed to the role. The very next day, the director told me my role had changed. I was now to play the role of a transformed man with complete faith in God!
Was my life playing out before me through phases of my drama roles?
"I realized… my faith in God was not lost but was asleep. Swami was giving me multiple wake-up calls."
During our last practice at the Poornachandra Hall, Swami arrived from His residence! There was pin-drop silence as everyone stayed still. Swami came and stood right in front of me. He glanced at me from top to bottom and quipped,
“Is it Bal Vikas (education for children) or Vriddha Vikas (education for the elderly)?”
Something stirred within me. I felt that participating in the drama was a step in the spiritual progress of both my son and me! I felt that I had to grow spiritually to get the answers to my burning questions about God.
After the drama was presented, we received thunderous applause for our performance. I decided to visit Puttaparthi more frequently and learn more about Swami.
Impact of Service
One day, while coming out of the men’s toilet at the Ashram, I saw a Seva Dal (volunteer) cleaning the floor. Out of curiosity, I enquired where he was from and what he did for a livelihood. I was surprised to find out that he was a successful businessman from Chennai, and he came twice a year to serve at the Ashram! I was amazed to see the spirit of selfless service.
On subsequent visits, I met many doctors, engineers, government officials, and other professionals who served at the Ashram as Seva Dal with great humility. This made me believe that something far more rewarding than power, position, and money drew people to Swami to do this Seva. That was the pivotal point in my journey to Swami.
I decided to become more involved in service activities in the Sri Sathya Sai International Organization (SSSIO) in Thailand.
Lost And Found
Once, my wife, Deepa, was at Puttaparthi with our son for an event with ISSSE (Institute of Sathya Sai Education) students from Brazil and the USA. I did not travel with them. A play was being staged at the Poornachandra Auditorium. My son was older now and wasn’t allowed by the Seva Dal to enter the hall from the ladies’ entrance. Swami was expected to arrive anytime soon. So, my wife left our son with an acquaintance, an American gentleman, who lived in Thailand.
After the program ended, my wife and daughter waited for the American devotee to return with our son. But he came rushing in panic and told her the boy was missing. They had searched everywhere in vain. My wife was sad, but she kept her calm. In fact, she began consoling everyone, telling them not to worry. She said,
“My son is Swami’s gift, and He will surely look after him!”
A few minutes later, my son walked out of the hall, rubbing his eyes. When the Seva Dals were about to close the shutters of the auditorium, they found him sleeping near the entrance below the TV screen! My son could not bear the heat inside, so he sat down near the TV screen in a cooler area to watch the program.
After returning to Bangkok, my wife did not tell me about this incident. I learned about it a few months later from other devotees who attended the event. I reflected on the incident and felt that I would have panicked in her situation. So, how could she maintain her calm? I got the answer from reading Swami’s book that day, where He said, “Faith and surrender give the strength to face difficult situations boldly.”
I realized, just like the incident with my son, my faith in God was not lost but was asleep. Swami was giving me multiple wake-up calls.
Faith Exists; Fear Exits
I seriously began to read Swami’s books regularly. All my doubts started getting slowly resolved. About this time, my mother-in-law gifted me a ring with Swami’s picture, and I always felt Swami’s presence in it. I worked as a marine engineer on a ship and always wore the ring during my assignment. I began noticing that whenever there was an issue or problem, it would get miraculously and promptly resolved. These personal experiences further bolstered my faith in Swami.
We were once transporting 35,000 tons of explosive chemicals on the ship. Suddenly, there was a fire on the deck. All the crew members panicked. They put on their life jackets and got ready to abandon the ship. I, too, probably would have done the same if it were not for Swami’s ring on my finger! I felt compelled to rush down to the engine room, start the fire pump to cool the decks, and keep the main engines ready. I dashed down ten floors to the bottom of the ship and started the pump. As a result, a major explosion was avoided, and a major disaster was averted. While everyone congratulated me for the timely action, in my heart, I expressed deep gratitude to Swami for triggering my action. At that critical moment, I did not have any fear of death because I felt Swami was there to protect me.
Faith in Swami has made me confident to face many challenging situations with courage. I was a bit short-tempered in my early years and often landed up in fights. However, my anger and anxiety have diminished today due to Swami’s presence in my life. My journey with Swami continues, and I am sure that everything I am today is because of His grace.
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Mr. Manoj Singh is a professional marine engineer and has 25 years of ship management experience. He served as Assistant Vice President of a large shipping company in Thailand before retirement. Mr. Manoj Singh has served in various positions in the SSSIO of Zone 4 (Southeast Asia) since 1998. He has addressed many public forums/conferences in India, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore, Laos, Myanmar, Peru, the UK, and the USA on human values and spiritual topics. He is the Chairman of SSSIO Zone 4, serving the countries of Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, India, Indonesia, Philippines, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Thailand, and Vietnam since 2019.
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First published in Eternal Companion Vol. 2, Iss. 9